


Endings to Bring Closure

by Bazylia_de_Grean



Series: Endings to Bring Closure [3]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Established relationship (kind of), F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 13:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bazylia_de_Grean/pseuds/Bazylia_de_Grean
Summary: She has never celebrated her birthday in any special way, and the annual feast is more of a chore she has to perform as the thaynu than anything else – maybe also a chance to see her old friends – but a part of him still finds it wrong that he should be away. Though perhaps his absence is the best gift he has to offer.





	Endings to Bring Closure

**Author's Note:**

> (Prompt 6: birthday.)

He stops at the threshold and just watches quietly for a while as Eidis puts some incense on a small tray and lights it. Watches her face when the first thin tendrils of smoke reach it and she inhales, closing her eyes. Her little sacred ritual; in any other circumstances, he would be a trespasser witnessing such a scene, but this is adra incense and he _knows_. Remembers.

She does not need to do it now, having him at her side whenever she wants… No, Thaos corrects himself; not always. Not during the spring and summer months, and the early autumn, when he travels. She has never celebrated her birthday in any special way, and the annual feast is more of a chore she has to perform as the thaynu than anything else – maybe also a chance to see her old friends; fewer of them every couple of years – but a part of him still finds it wrong that he should be away. Though perhaps his absence is the best gift he has to offer.

Eidis turns, soft and ethereal like a wisp of mist with her white nightgown and white hair. “A necessity,” she corrects, confirming that she has heard his thought. “Maybe something else, too, but…”

Thaos shakes his head, closing the distance between them and touching her face. Her cheek is warm; she is blushing, embarrassed by that display of weakness, of something she has been keeping a secret for years… But he _remembers_ : the smell of incense on the sheets and on his robes and skin and then on hers, too. “A gift, soulmistress. Sometimes, the medicine is bitter, but still preferable to illness.”

He can almost hear her unspoken reply, _no, not always_ ; knows she will never be free of thinking about Sun in Shadow, about what he said, what he did. About everything he confessed later, in this life, in her bed – in her arms, powerless to refuse an answer when she asked. He can sense her effort to push those thoughts out of her mind, because _no, not today_ ; registers a breath like a sigh of relief when she succeeds. Notices the slight shiver when she inhales the scent of incense, and how it immediately brings her back to the present, to this small, infinite space between them.

“I’m here now,” he says softly, stroking her cheek.

In the dim light, Eidis’ eyes are two endless pieces of adra. “I know.” She is smiling timidly, still a little shy about being so open with her yearning even though he is well aware of it, but conscious of the effect these words will have on him; he is here, within reach, _so close, real, tangible_. That is what she wants to remember and come back to when she will be alone again; not the months when she had only dreams from the past, but _this_ , the little shards of happiness she collects so carefully because of how rare they are.

Eidis leans into his touch, and Thaos cups her face in his hands and kisses her. Gently, tenderly; they are too tired for lovemaking. Her eyelashes flutter; pale gossamer in the moonlight. Her smile is different now; calm, assured, peaceful.

Thaos smiles back. “A good day?” he murmurs into her ear.

“Perfect.” Her fingers brush his wrists and close around them. “Thank you,” she whispers.

He kisses her temple. It takes so little to make her happy; a few stems of pilgrim’s crown, a dance, a small Engwithan ring he slipped onto her finger while holding her hand under the table, when no one could see. Small, silly things; he could always understand their purpose, but now they suddenly have _meaning_.

Eidis lights up inside every time he does something like that, the smile barely visible but somehow illuminating her whole face. In those brief moments, he can glimpse the carefree woman she has never had a chance to be. It hurts him, every time, but that is good; pain means he can feel.

“Stop,” Eidis mutters, shaking her head at his thoughts. “Stop,” she repeats as she tugs on his hand and pulls him towards the open window.

They stand there for a long time, without a word, content to share silence. Eidis is watching people still celebrating in the yard – there is faint music and song and laughter – and seeing others happy always brings her peace. He is holding her; the night is warm, the wind cool just enough to make their embrace and shared body heat more comfortable.

Thaos leans in, gently resting his chin on her shoulder. When she smiles, he can feel it against his cheek. He closes his eyes, looking at her soul instead. She is a sphere of light in his arms, soothing and warm – he can feel the warmth physically, too: her back against his chest, her hands on his, fingers gently following the outlines of his palms. He lets himself enjoy her closeness, be glad of her contentment, breathe the sweet smell of pilgrim’s crown lingering on her hair and neck.

Eidis laughs quietly when he nuzzles her cheek – just an exhale, surprised, bright. She is happy – a deep happiness, not overwhelming but just filling the heart slowly until she does not know where she ends and the world begins, but it matters not, because she has her whole world at arm’s length. Safe enough that she does not need to hide her thoughts from him.

He takes that feeling into his mind carefully and mirrors it back towards her. Breathes it in, almost chokes on it for a moment, lets it spill over his soul – it burns, like the first moment when a healing balm is put onto a wound, but what burns can give light – so he gives.

Eidis turns her face towards his and leans into him more, melts against him, basking in that light. She quietly accepts everything – and he lets himself accept that in turn.

She sighs, sensing his thoughts, and he kisses the corner of her mouth softly. It has been a good day, kind for her, and he wishes it would remain so until the very end.

“You should get some rest,” he murmurs against her skin.

“I know. It’s just…” She shifts closer, turns around in his arms and embraces him. “It’s been so perfect I don’t want it to end,” she finishes, her nose tickling his neck.

“We don’t have to go to sleep yet.” He picks her up, and she giggles.

“Just admit that you hope I will fall asleep if you get me into bed.”

“Of course,” he replies dryly, which earns him another laugh.

He carries her to the bed and lays her down, but Eidis keeps her hands locked at the back of his neck and he almost topples over. Seeing her in a mood for jests, however silly, is so rare that he does not even shake his head.

“At least let me get you something warm,” he says, and Eidis lets him go with a brief, apologetic look.

* * *

 

Eidis watches as he walks to the chest where she keeps her clothes and picks up a big woollen shawl thrown over it. There is an efficiency and grace to his movements that she has always found pleasant to look at.

When Thaos returns to the bed, she sits up, lets him put the shawl over her shoulders and wraps it more tightly around her, leaning against a few pillows. Then, with a small smile, she pats her thigh in a wordless invitation. Thaos sighs in mock-exasperation, but lies down and rests his head in her lap.

Eidis starts stroking his hair, enjoying how soft it is. If she were to name one feature he might be somewhat vain about, she would probably say it is his hair.

“I can bring you a cat, if you want,” Thaos suggests, stretching lazily and tipping his head back just like a content cat would.

“No, thank you.” She smiles, stroking the underside of his chin lightly with the back of her fingers. “It seems I already found one.” She frowns playfully. “But there must be something wrong, because he doesn’t purr.”

Thaos makes a low sound in his throat, somewhat similar to a cat’s or maybe a wurm’s purring. Eidis giggles, because it is silly and amusing and endearing all at once; he smiles at that and closes his eyes.

She runs her fingertips down his neck and between his collar bones, then finds his palm and wraps hers around it. He interlaces their fingers, squeezing her hand gently. She keeps stroking his hair in a regular, soothing rhythm, and for a while nothing exists but this tiny space where they can just be together, comfortably, without worries.

Thaos blinks, as if trying to chase sleep away. “Did you enjoy your birthday?” he mutters, his thumb moving across the adra and copper ring on her finger.

 _It’s an adra map_ , he explained in hushed Engwithan when he gave it to her – slipped in onto her finger during the feast while holding her hand under the table; a wonderful surprise meant to distract her from her duties for a moment. Complicated, exquisite labyrinth of copper wires, leading to – or stemming from – a small but very clear and beautiful adra gem. In some ways, it reminds her of their relationship – difficult paths to walk and bright moments of peace in between. An unassuming sign of his affection, small but priceless – it probably took him a month of two of negotiating with the Glanfathan tribes to get permission to take it.

“Very much.” Eidis ruffles his hair, but quickly goes back to stroking it. “What about you?” she asks after a while. “When is your birthday?” As soon as she finishes speaking, her hand freezes mid-motion and her whole body tenses when she realises _what_ has she just said. When she recalls – with sudden, piercing clarity – the memories she saw in Sun in Shadow, and remembers what the past will always mean to him – the emptiness, the dust, the sense of guilt so great it is no longer overwhelming because it has poured over the edges of his soul.

Thaos opens his eyes, and Eidis glances aside to avoid his gaze.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters, crestfallen and terribly embarrassed. “I’m sorry; it was so thoughtless of me…”

“No, it wasn’t. It’s a normal thing to ask.” He squeezes her hand reassuringly, then turns his head and kisses her stomach. “It’s all right, Eidis.”

She blinks, trying to regain her composure.

“Eidis.” Thaos raises her hand to his mouth, to get her attention. “It’s fine. You can ask.” He brushes his lips across her knuckles; a path of feather-light kisses that are still chaste but border on distracting. “I’m glad you can forget sometimes.” He uncurls her fingers and kisses the inside of her palm. “I really am.”

He is; she can feel it, like a warm current in her thoughts. She resumes stroking his hair; soft, soothing motions, slightly hesitant; it takes her a moment to find the rhythm again. Neither speaks, but the silence is fragile now, not comfortable.

“I don’t remember,” Thaos says at last.

He knows that she was not asking about his un-Awakened self, because she is aware Adhán never knew the date of his birth. She is asking about his first life, glimpses of which she saw in his mind when... No, no; she does not want to think about that.

“There are only… flashes.” His brow furrows as he concentrates. “There was an official family celebration; you’d be bored.” Thaos smiles at her briefly. “Or just flee.” He chuckles. “I did, sometimes.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Eidis.” His hands wrap around her palm. “It’s fine.” He closes his eyes, focusing. “I remember wine. And… honey cake.”

“Something like that Aedyran recipe?” Eidis asks tentatively, twirling a strand of his hair around her finger.

“Yes, but with spices.” He takes a breath, trying to reach deeper. “And there was a… garden?”

She can feel his heartbeats under her palm, slowing down gradually, as if he was falling into some self-induced trance. Maybe that is what he is doing; it is difficult when it comes to memories from other lifetimes, but certainly within his capabilities as a cipher.

“I’m… in a garden,” Thaos says, his voice quiet and clear and almost unnaturally even. “There’s a water source nearby. A fountain? The water is cold when I put my feet in, but it feels pleasant. There is a lamp at the edge of the pool, and some food on a metal tray. Silver? I use it as a mirror to reflect the light in random directions. Nothing happens. Then a light. It blinks. We echo each other’s patterns for a while. I imagine it must be some foolishly romantic girl.” The corners of his mouth curl up into a smile that must belong to that boy from the memory; Eidis feels her heart breaking a little at the sight. “I want her to be pretty.” He exhales and slowly opens his eyes. “Was that enough?”

“Yes; it’s…” It is more touching than she expected, to hear about his silly – beautiful – fleeting youthful dreams. Eidis knows he would call those musings foolish now, but she is deeply moved, because it is a side of him she has never…

With a sigh, Thaos sits up. “Hush, hush.” Leaning in, he gently wipes her tears away, shaking his head. “Always so caring…”

She blinks and looks up at him. “Is that so surprising?”

He smiles gently. “Not in the least.” He pulls her close and lies back. “Do you have any more questions?” he asks, kissing her hair.

“You mentioned cold water feeling nice…” Eidis lays her head on his shoulder and her palm over his heart. “Was it summer?”

“Probably. Or early autumn.” He notices her meaningful glance. “And no, we’re _not_ celebrating it.”

“Can _I_ celebrate it, then?” she asks softly, lightly pressing her lips to his neck, the pulls away, to see his face. By now, she has learnt that she does not even need cipher tricks to get her way with him; that, in fact, she never has.

Thaos is looking at her thoughtfully, and then his expression changes, softens. “I thought we already do.” His eyes are alight, gaze solemn but full of wonder. “I was born when I was kneeling before you in Sun in Shadow, soulmistress. And then again when I regained my memories. When you refused me, and when you accepted me. In every decision that changed something.”

Eidis stares at him, at a loss for words. Then she just clings to him, arms around his chest, face against his shoulder; wraps her soul around his as well. He responds, thoughts brushing against hers, hands holding her tightly.

It will never be perfect; he might believe he made peace with the past, but that is not true; if she cannot forget that brief memory, how could he, when he was there and witnessed it all? But there are moments when everything is bright and good _despite_ that.

Thaos drops a kiss onto her hair, and she reluctantly pulls away. They settle down more comfortably, both ready to sleep now.

“So, was she pretty?” Eidis asks sleepily, lulled by the rhythm of his heart underneath her palm.

“Who?”

“The girl,” she explains with a tentative, tender smile he does not see, but which he can sense.

Thaos laughs quietly; a low, pleasant sound. “Oh, yes.” He bows his head, nuzzles her cheek, then kisses her softly. “The prettiest.”


End file.
